Day 19

Deep breath deep breath… This is the first time I really wasn’t sure I could do this.

It’s been one of those days when I just haven’t felt right in my skin.

It was another exceptionally beautiful astonishing day – a towering blue sky, the sea sparkling – but we’ve had so many of them now (and this is wicked, but I have to tell the truth) I’ve got used to them.

I must remind myself of that in April when it’s freezing cold, raining ice and there’s a howling wind blowing.

I know why I’m blue. It’s nothing sinister. I’m on the copy edit stage of my book and it doesn’t matter that it’s the gasquillionth time I’ve done it, it makes me want to rip my own head off and put it on backwards.

I spent all afternoon on one sentence. True.

So it’s been one of those days when I couldn’t even find the joy in the joyous things and it feels more real to sit with that than try and be happy about a sunbeam.

My daughter had three lovely friends over for dinner and they are hilarious and beautiful and I love them, but it was like a version of that travel thing – wherever you go, there you are.

Whoever was at my table, there I was.

But still… there have been some good moments. I played Take That while I was making the dinner. That made me happy. Especially darling Jason Orange (no longer in the band, sob) singing Wooden Boat. I so love his Manchester accent while he sings.

That’s the time to be the first one on the dance floor.

Then just now I looked at my emails and my lovely pal Tammy had sent a message saying she’s facing up to an all nighter on her novel, so I felt better about my editing angst.

It means so much to me to have so many lovely friends who are also novelists.

And one other thing that did give me a boast. I had a real flash of inspiration for my next book. It’s all about the corridor…